My Biggest Vulnerability.

After the period of squelching across the “new teacher” life stage, dreading the unexpected, mastering the bases while adjusting to “no one- told-me-about-that-in-college” experiences, I’ve learned to be efficient and gained my confidence. This helped me avoid vulnerability and spillage of work and stress into my life.

Being vulnerable does not, in my mind, go with teaching. As a teacher, you model excellent behavior and spirit, you are to demonstrate leadership and show strength in your decisions. Vulnerability would jeopardize many processes and routines, generate a crack in your belief about the value you bring to the society by educating students and creating the atmosphere for them to grow as successful and productive members of the society.

And yet, the suffocating wave of vulnerability came when I realized that as a newly hired teacher in a new district with almost no accumulated sick days I will be doomed to financial instability after my maternity leave rolls in. The idea is sickening and terrifying also due to the fact that I’m employed in the highest paying district of New Jersey.

Indeed, teaching can be great. Without complaint I would say teaching offers a lot of financial stability; however, as soon as you are out of the classroom, your stability ends.

Paradoxically, although my job is to bring up other people’s children, I may face hard times when giving birth to my own child, will I?…

While the topic angers me, I am not to waste time shewing on the possible misery of my situation. Haven’t I preached about creativity, entrepreneurial spirit, the trend of living with multiple sources of income or even building your own business?

My head is spinning, wild dreams of winning the lottery or receiving a massive check despite of any logic are tempting and distract me from reality. What will the future bring? Will the vulnerability take over or will the sky come apart, and I will be gifted the idea of how to build my million dollar empire, move to Greece and forget about any money issues?

“Time will tell’ – would be the answer I’m tempted to give to myself, and yet I keep my mouth shut because “time will tell” seems to be a complete surrender to the unknown of the motherhood while being a teacher…

Many women like me find themselves in situations worse than mine when we are affected in the most vulnerable and vital periods of our lives.

Still, what comes to mind are the stories I read about and heard of women-mothers who bring up children and grow successful businesses, finish degrees and lead successful companies.

This is what inspires me.

This is what I keep in mind instead of dwelling on “what-if’s” and “I wish’s”.