Gut-level Teacher’s Confession.
I’m a teacher, and I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that. It started long ago. I remember having dinner at one of my father’s friend’s house. It was right after my admission to a quite high-ranking university in my country. I was radiating pride and happiness. The conversation came to the point that my father’s friend asked what career I was going to have after I graduate. “Teacher,” my father replied. I never forgot what happened after that. Suddenly, the whole world, the grandeur of my existence and my recent accomplishments have been annihilated by the wicked smirk.
“That’s all?! Just a teacher? Well,” he responded. I don’t clearly remember our visit after that. I remember my father saying something about the competitiveness and the low acceptance rate to my university where I was already a student. It mattered so much to me then, my father words trying to change his friend’s perspective on me, my choice of career, and my future predicament.
Years passed. I moved to the U.S. and started teaching at the local community college and a local high school. The money I make now is enough to buy everything my father’s friend owns and will own for the rest of his life. And yet, the question I keep pondering is “What’s missing in my life?” Moving between the idea “Cool! At least I have a stable job!” and the realization “Do I feel truly fulfilled?”, I was struggling to understand what was tugging on me and why I felt I was deprived of something.
What I have come to realize is I was still resenting the image the society has created about teachers. Although the culture was entirely different, not the one I was born to and brought up by, I have always felt the invisible stigma that comes with teaching as a career. I feel being inevitably categorized as “crazy” or “delusional.” “Do you really enjoy it? 120 high school kids every day in your face? You are crazy, girl!” – they would say. Or “So, you are just a teacher? Well, good luck!” – they would think.
When I was graduating this time from one of the American Universities with a degree in teaching, everything I heard about teaching was: low pay, stress, lack of curriculum, cuts in funding, stagnant salaries. Although never teaching in a classroom, I was already brainwashed to face the worst and hope for the best. Surprisingly for many I guess, my life was not ruined by teaching. I did have some tough adjustment period, indeed. However, what I have learned and lived through in my experience in my teaching career have become fertile soil for my personal and professional development. I would say my personal growth was triggered the most. I discovered many other assets of mine that I was interested in exploring.
I discovered that I was passionate about many other things other than teaching and was able to understand that only through being a classroom teacher. How was it possible? Well, communication with other people opens up new facets in anyone. Communication with 120 teenagers every single day of the school year created such a gravitational force that an enormous amount of the outside world that was once unknown to me has been pulled closer to my horizon.
They say you are what you read. Two years ago, my library was on the topics of happiness, health, and money. “How come?!” you might ask. Why isn’t it all about education? Well, I realized these were the things missing in my life. I was desperately unhappy, very unhealthy, and unpleasantly financially unstable at some point. I did learn to enjoy teaching and was touched by the lives of the children I could affect and change for the better. At the same time, I was coming home to the empty mind and hunger for knowledge that was entirely on the periphery of my professional responsibilities. I would keep reading about creating happiness in life, restoring health, personal investments. A lot of my current projects grew from this. A lot of things I dedicate my time to now are not related to my job, but they make me one happy teacher.
I still enjoy teaching children. I have learned to do my job easier, stress less often, build productive routines, and nurture close communication with my students. I have come to enjoy my short days and free summers. Ha-ha, just kidding! To everyone out there: teacher’s job does not finish at 3! And we don’t procrastinate all summer! We have stuff to do! And it’s 24/7! But yes, indeed, as you grow in your experience, things become easy, you rip the fruit of hard labor and can indulge in exploring something else! Yes, something else other than pedagogy! Teachers are not crazy. They aren’t the slaves of classrooms. They might seem a little too energetic maybe because we question too many things, witness too much sh$t that is going on with our children and the lack of appropriate resources to help brilliant, amazing, incredible 13- and 15- year-olds to reach their potential and find their worth.
What I learned after I stop teaching, in my house, in my free time, ends up being in my classroom anyway. I share my ideas with students that I teach because if this is important to my well-being, then these topics might as well help children who are struggling to realize they have tools to solve their own problems.
Finally, I have to say when someone asks me about what I do, I take it as a challenge. I have learned to say, “I am a teacher. I change lives. And what value do you have?” Oh well, in my dreams. Of course, I would never say that. I don’t need to prove to anyone anymore. I don’t care what they think. I am not interested in their opinions. I quietly seep my coffee and enjoy my “free summer… ”
