Failure is (NOT) an Option In the Teaching Profession.
I can’t swim.
I never learned, never felt the need for it. When my husband bought a family gym membership, we started our weekly trips to the pool, which has become my getaway from the everyday grind. During one of those frequent trips to the pool, I had a revelation. It literally happened in the pool.
I was standing next to the 4-feet mark contemplating my plan B and C and D in case I happen to be drowning. I can scream, start grabbing floating Barbies, and stereo foam dumbbells for seniors, or even any hands and legs in my proximity. That could have been probably unnecessary since lifeguards watched everyone like hawks, and the pool itself was swarming with dozens of people in a pick hour of 4 o’clock. My inability to swim is not related to not knowing how to move my arms and legs to keep myself afloat. That’s already under my belt. My not swimming is more psychological. I don’t swim where my feet cannot touch the ground, and it needs to happen after a 10-second swim. Which basically leaves me with the option of an awkward swimmer holding onto the edges of the pool and constantly standing up to reassure that my feet are grounded. It’s not much of a fun or a swim. Therefore, I always say that I’m not a swimmer.
What I came to realize is that the fact that I accepted this and that I am ok with it and that I have plan A, B, C in case something happens makes me feel relaxed and in control of the situation. Yes, I can improve. I absolutely can learn to swim deep places or take a swim class. These are options, and I am happy to choose them if I need to. So here you go. The revelation I was talking about happened right here, on one Sunday evening when the pool was swarming with people.
I suddenly thought that how wonderful it could be if new teachers knew from the very beginning that they are inevitably bad swimmers and that they will drown for sure, and that’s ok because without the possibility of drowning there is no point to learn, then it would make teacher’s life so much better! New teachers are like bad swimmers. They are eager to learn, but drowning will inevitably happen because being passionate does not hold you afloat. Your degree in pedagogy does not hold you afloat. Your enthusiasm does not hold you afloat. What can help you not to drown or survive drowning is meticulous, day-to-day, slow-moving sometimes boring work of professional development.
In other words, when you graduate fresh from college, you are not a teacher. College does not make you a teacher. Period. What makes you a teacher is an everyday grind of teaching in a classroom and growing professionally at your own pace. That’s not a very encouraging realization that you start your career with, isn’t it?
Meanwhile, this realization came to me during the second year of my teaching as a public-school teacher. I openly confessed to myself that I suck big time, my class is a mess, and inspirational quotes about how teacher develop leaders only enhance my insecurities as an emerging educator. It’s a dark place to find yourself in and know that career you are in makes you feel like a total beginner trying to survive in something you spend two years of your master’s degree fantasizing about. But this is where things get very important.
It is of such paramount importance to be able to tell to yourself that you failed, your class management is non-existent, you have no clue about assessment, and you are so lost about what teaching is. It is critical to have this stage in your career because without it there is no way to go up. I had my stage of failure too. Daunting, dark, ground-shattering realization that you need to start from scratch and teach yourself to be an educator. It’s exhausting, scary, unpleasant, but necessary. And here where it becomes super difficult because no one gives workshops on failures and how to bounce back from them.
No one reveals the truth about becoming a teacher. No one gives an insight that everything will suck so much that you might want to quit once and forever. The only information we have access to is that teaching is so noble. It’s a joy to be with children. It’s a fun career. It’s inspiring. We watch master teacher with 30-years experience giving a lesson that blows new teachers’ minds. We read books about best strategies, most effective methods, the most comfortable classrooms, the happiest students, the perfect scores. And yet, our first year is the terrifying one.
The first year is the darkest one. And no one talks about it, gives workshops, accepts that it’s OK. To go on such a rollercoaster is necessary because the only way for you to go from the bottom is to go up, develop, learn, grow, get better and better, become effective, efficient, master the game.
From my experience, the biggest shift that happened to me was when I started listening to Angela Watson’s podcast Truth for Teachers. The reasons why it stuck with me till the present day is that it was one of those perspectives that told the truth about being a teacher. The words that I still remember from one of the episodes are about overwhelm, stress; teaching can be challenging, it can crush you.
But on the bright side, I heard the words of encouragement that brought me into my game: there is a way to get it better and become a happier teacher. These words went through my body like an electric shock. What was helpful and almost as the moment of epiphany is that someone on the other side of the planet acknowledged that what I was going through was hard indeed, but that there were ways to take the bull by the horns and control the situation. There came the spark and my life changed.
Unquestionably, the way up to the level of confidence in teaching and finding enjoyment and satisfaction is paved with hard work and dedication. One needs curiosity to learn, read, develop, try and experiment. I haven’t been learning from the good practices I read about in books in the same way I learned from bad practices. Seeing someone struggling in teaching, willing to experiment, making mistakes have been by far more empowering than any A+ examples on the internet with “perfect” classes and highly skilled teachers.
In the end, any growth stems from inside. It’s powered by feelings and emotions. It’s is most effective when individuals share a common thirst for improvement, encouragement on the path of frustration, learning moments in the widths of everyday school grind and battle with curriculum. I truly admire teachers who are not afraid to share failures for one reason: failures are more powerful in their learning capacity than successes. And this is why: success of other people may bring you down, crush you, make you feel your goal is unattainable, so you might stop trying or just let it be.
I think physiologically we feel more bonding, hope and desire to grow when we experience failures (ours or someone else’s). And once we see a failure, then we search for master teacher’s strategies to fix the problem. It’s not the other way around. It’s not possible to watch a video on tips about perfect class management and then become great at it. It’s the failure in class management that sharpens and highlights the weakest places that we can identify and then target for improvement. In other words, you need to fail as a teacher to be good. And the only problem is that no one tells you that. You are kind of unprepared. You are “high” on idealistic ideas of teaching and Pinterest inspired classrooms. And when reality hits you, you feel it was absolutely not deserving because your intentions have always been nothing but good.
Now that you know and accept that failure is a way to successful teaching, you can also be entirely sure that it does become better, much better. Once you own this realization, you have an ocean of opportunities to grow better and happier! You start relating to people not only in moments of failure but moments of success as well. The possibility of growth is actually mind-blowing. And this is when the magic starts! So, having said all that, go fail and then start from the new page and move towards success and happy teaching!
Talk to you later!
